Have you heard of narcissism in business?
When my clients come to work with me they are usually involved in some sort of entanglement in their lives brought on by their self-sabotaging patterns.
In the relationship realm, this usually looks like trying to recover from or leave a relationship with a narcissist (or stop dating dicks).
In the sales realm, this looks like the inability to close because of the challenges around handling objections.
In the business/entrepreneur realm this can look like trying to untangle themselves from contractors, clients or team members that are not a good fit.
This latter point is what I wanted to address today…
My clients are successful entrepreneurs, generating healthy revenue, very full pipeline with an extremely engaged community and a solid reputation. They’ve done very well for themselves and are amazing at what they do…but in the course of our coaching together, we discovered how they have a tendency to be the savior as part of the Drama Triangle loop many people tend to be caught in.
The Drama Triangle is where we play the role of either Victim, Savior, or Perpetrator – just watch any TV show and you’ll see it played out. Chick gets dumped (victim), ex is a jerk (perpetrator), friend-zoned guy steps in to help (savior). And around it goes.
Anyhow, we see this a lot in romantic relationships but it also exists in a BIG way in professional relationships.
In the course of our work together, my clients can find themselves needing to reorganize contractors or team members or they entered into misaligned deals in business and the common denominator of it all was that they entered into every agreement as the Victim or Savior.
Allow me to explain:
For the contractors or business deals that go south, my clients went to them as a “victim” going “save me, I have no idea how to do this, please help me!” and so they swooped right in without my clients doing any due diligence on their part, just a large exhale at the thought of someone else taking care of it for them – aka being “saved”.
For the staff, they show up as the “savior” to team members who were not up to the job, but needed help so they figure they’re in a position to do so…but in the end, had a job role that was being way overpaid for the tasks and experience level. And so they needed to fire them – a task they avoided for years because of their pattern around people-pleasing and not wanting to disappoint or hurt anyone.
It’s tough being a heart-centered business owner, the non-attachment needed when onboarding someone just doesn’t enter our radar so we end up in business deals that down the road end up not being good for us and collapsing or being jerked out from under us and ending in a puddle of tears…or even legal battles.
All of this can be avoided if we work on becoming conscious of our own tendency to be saved or be a victim because this is going to naturally attract potential perpetrators where even if the person themselves isn’t a perp, their actions might end up being as much. Perpetrator behavior isn’t always fully conscious or nefarious – it’s just the position the person was put in when the deal was originally made.
Instead of feeling sorry for my clients, we looked right in the eye how the heck they called this in, what were the belief systems and patterns that got them here and how can they proceed with healing, wisdom, clean it all up and never do this again.
We all have our patterns, and the stuff that keeps us from being in full integrity all the time, but the more you become conscious and aware of your patterns, the easier it becomes to spot them before they sabotage you.
If you’re looking to release some toxic patterns in your business (or personal relationships) that’s my jam. As a Mind UnFucker I help you release the patterns of self-betrayal so you can operate out of your heart without having it be trampled all over. Looking for a coach? Grab a spot on my calendar here.
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